When Fantasy Becomes Reality

Photo by Denis Khuisov

Everyone has a fantasy, there's no point in denying it. Just like there's no point in denying that we masturbate, claiming that's only something for the misters. Get real! I'm a woman and I masturbate. I love nothing more than some alone time, delving into the deepest, darkest corner of my mind and digging out the craziest fantasy I can conjure to get me off. I have a variety of sure fire imaginings that guarantee me the Big O: sensual Shibari, sex with a stranger, getting the spanking of a lifetime. The list goes on and on. Yet there's one fantasy that has always brought me to climax faster and harder than any other. 

Sex with another woman.

Yep, getting naked and playful with other women turns me on. But as far as fantasies go sapphic sex is actually deemed pretty vanilla, non?

So what happens when the fantasy is no longer enough and you're suddenly faced with the opportunity to turn fantasy into reality? Do you say fuck it and jump straight in, knowing that you only get one shot at this life and there's no time for regrets?

Damn right!

I never intended to turn my same-sex fantasy into a same-sex reality, but one evening I had an offer I just couldn't refuse. Like a nervous college girl on a first date I met with a woman. We kissed. We touched. We fucked. We talked a bit and laughed a lot. And then we kissed and touched and fucked some more.

That night, though now buried deep in the past, bore so much positivity to my outlook, not only within my relationship, but in friendships and general attitude towards life also. It taught me to be more open to new experiences, which I have taken on board and have now had the pleasure of spending time with some amazing women. I've formed friendships with a deeper level of connection, friendships that keep me happy, grounded and whole.

Photo courtesy of Aurore Érotique

But with the positives, also come the negatives. The first time I kissed a girl I could laugh it off, everyone has a cheeky same-sex snog with a gal pal at some point, right? But does everyone end up in bed with her? I had to come to terms with a truth that was previously hidden, remaining dormant until someone came along and shook it awake. It took a while, but I came to terms with the fact that I had sex with a woman, that I enjoyed it, and that I wanted to do it again. Does this mean I'm a lesbian? No. I crave the touch of a man, his scent, his kiss, his cock, just as sometimes I crave the gentler touch of a woman.

Perhaps it means I'm bisexual, but honestly I'd rather not label myself as anything at all. The past I've had and the life I live cannot be defined by labels or academic terminology. I experience people if those people are worthy of my time. And each experience, I like to believe, happened because those people deemed me worthy enough of their time. To share another person, a kiss, a body, a bed, a night of passion and experimentation and love is only ever fulfilling when trust and respect exist that the core of that experience. Pin down the person who deserves both your trust and your respect and you have the makings of a pretty amazing experience.

Turning a fantasy into reality can sometimes lead to disappointment, with reality not nearly as pleasurable as how it played out in your head. But sometimes, just sometimes, you get lucky and despite the good, the bad, and the ugly, one thing remains the same: making love to another woman remains my all time favourite sexual fantasy. What's yours?